Letter to my Children: Parenthood can be Quite Humbling

Dearest Beloveds,

Parenthood can be quite humbling.*

One of the most confronting parts of being a parent is realizing you are passing down your neuroses/limitations/Cranky Monster baggage to your children.

Many teachers over many years have all taught me the same thing. We are energetic beings in physical bodies. Our energy body/aura surrounds us like a glowing multidimensional egg of vibrational me-ness.

In that aura there can be blockages. Blockages made of past habits, memories, things that trigger us, woundings, fears, etc etc. Rob Wergin likes to call them mud pies. Mucky, dark, heavy glurpy goo that sticks within our aura and blocks energy flow. Meme told me when I was 12 that 4th dimensional creatures live in our auras - called in as helpers when we are afraid or in pain but then they never leave and become a handicap.* Perhaps those two are the same thing.

I spend a great deal of energy and attention cleaning up my personal mudpies - but sometimes I think I splash mud onto you two when I am not thinking.

For example, this happened recently when I visited the library.

I was sharing with the librarian how touched we all are that Dragon’s book is on proud display behind the desk.

“It brings him such joy to see it here. Thank you.” I paused. “I keep on gently nudging him along to see if he wants to do another one. So far he seems resistant.”

The librarian paused.

“I find as a parent that it can be hard to see what my children do as enough.”

I nearly gasped. That is exactly what I was doing. Telling him that his work is not sufficient without a sequel. Corinna! “Oh wow. Thank you for saying that. That is a good Momma hello right there.”

“Yes, something I work a lot myself.”

I can only hope that mud is not too sticky, dear Dragon, and it hasn’t quite dried yet.

Because, wow, once my Busy Bee/Cranky Monster wades into mud, she really gets warmed up to share.

As I sit here, I am now facing the opportunity to list those of my Cranky Monster mudpies I have observed in you two as way on one level to apologize for my muddy fallout - but in reality it is just me being judgmental and mean.

This is where Maharishi’s wisdom comes in. He was very strict about not asking questions that could plant the seed of that idea into a student’s head (eg “Do you get a headache when you do X?”). If he shared potentialities of what might happen during meditation students might latch onto that and create a story around whether it did or did not happen to them.

As such, I am not going to judge and label. I am not going to write down for posterity my perceptions of your reality. I know from my own life that parental observations can often be filed into the untrue truth drawer, when, in fact, they are just Cranky Monster mudpies.

Let us invite those mudpies to leave me so I can’t splash onto you two.

Anymore than I already have

and I am sorry.

*Grandfather gave Meme and Baba a note they taped to their bathroom mirror. “Parenthood is the last bastion of amateurism.” I might need to tape that on my mirror too.

**I have no idea if this is part of the curricula at the Barbara Brennan School of Healing which she began around this time - or something she grokked elsewhere. (Side side note, I am in AWE that school is still around!)