Letter to my children: How to model safe rule-breaking

Backpacks were shrugged off as we reached the end of the gravel lane. Bean declared to her brother, “I look on the left - you look on the right.”

“I always look right!”

Let’s stop this before it balloons. I interjected, “I will look both ways too,” and waded onto the domed center of the asphalt road. High stepping with the illicit thrill I called out as I scanned the horizons for cars. “Why is it so much fun to go into the road?”

The crickets sang to us from the tree line.

“Because it is cheating!” A big grin split Dragon’s face.

I laughed. “It is cheating.”

He continued, “because you are breaking the law and nobody knows!”

“I hear a car, let’s go back to the side. Don’t run.”

We have a long stretch of straight road on either side of our lane where we need to meet the bus. At least half a mile on either side keeps us safe during the slow traffic times in the morning. I took the first steps last year, striding out to the center yellow lines, you two were so shocked.

And now look at us.

My Beloveds, why I am letting this happen? Why did I start this?

It feels somewhat ridiculous but this is my answer. I want you give you two a relatively safe place to experiment with bending the rules as you teeter on the cusp of so many rule breaking opportunities of adolescence. The bewitching sirens songs of drugs, alcohol, sex - to name a few.*

So, traipsing into the empty roadway - I guess it just feels fun to skirt the edge. The edge is where change and growth happen. I want you two to be comfortable exploring the edges of this life.

Explore the edges while keeping your eyes and ears open for the incoming 18 wheeler.

*We talk a lot how some drugs you can experiment with and remain mostly unscathed (tobacco, alcohol, etc) and some you cannot (heroin, fentanyl, etc). There are so many things to worry about as you two go out into the big world all on your own.

For a comprehensive list of things your mother tries not to worry about the Surgeon General issued a warning in August for parents outlining the “unique stressors that come with raising children.” Thank you? I guess it is helpful to name the loneliness epidemic as a thing. But it would be much more helpful if solutions were paired with this.