Letter to my children: Don't Give Away Your Power
/“Dragon made me do it!”
“I did not!”
“Did to!”
“Wow, this is really fun to listen to. Nobody made anyone do anything. Can we please all take some deep breaths?”
OR
“Bean stop laughing!”
A grin splashed across Bean’s visage.
“Stop it!” Dragon began to cry. Furious, hot, tears pooling down his cheeks.
“Stop laughing at me.”
“I am just eating! Momma, all I am doing is eating and smiling.”
“Dragon, if you don’t want to see your sister then you can leave the table and eat in the kitchen. You are in charge of your reactions.”
OR
“Stop looking at me!”
Silence
“I said, stop looking at me!”
Silence
“Mom, I told Bean/Dragon to stop looking at me and they won’t stop.”
“Dearest, you are in charge of your reactions. If you don’t want to have them looking at you, close your eyes. Leave the space. Move somewhere different. You are in charge of your body and your reactions. You are not in charge of anyone else’s body.”
“Make him/her stop!”
“Nope, you have to figure this out.”
OR
“Mom, she called me a fat squirrel!”
“Are you a fat squirrel?”
“No.”
“So why do you care?”
Oh my loves. The learning you get from being a sibling is so wonderful. It is a relationship of push and pull and love and growing - hopefully for the rest of your lives.
You two bounce against each other. In that bouncing you delineate your own selves. We exist on this planet in relation with other people. Our family learnings set the stage for all future interactions.
I know your mother not intervening might feel unfair, but I am teaching you an important lesson.
As you grow you will have thousands of opportunities to let yourself be triggered by the actions of other people. Being triggered means you have given them your power.
The person who makes “weird” noises in exercise class, upsetting your calm.
The person who wears the “wrong” clothing to a party, causing you embarassment.
The person who is “so rude” in traffic cutting you off.
The person who says something so “offensive” to you.
Then you can take a step further and share with your friends, “Could you believe what happened? He/she is so terrible. Do you remember when that person said XX?” on and on and on.
When your Cranky Monster blames another person for how their behavior affects you it means you have given your power away to that person. You are now at the mercy of their behavior. A position that is guaranteed to make you angrier because you are at their mercy.*
It is a vicious circle. It is diminishes your energy to be joyful and to be happy.
Don’t let someone else determine your happiness. Safeguard your inner light and power.
I hope you learn this now - so you can join us in practicing the learning for the rest of your life.
*As Rob Wergin says in his July transmission series:
Hold onto your power. Don’t give it away to a person, or a place, or an object, a relationship, or anyone or anything. It is okay to send love to someone. It is not okay to hand your inner flame to someone. A piece of jewelry that you think protects you - you have your power to an object. Being upset at someone who was acting out in a group is giving your power away to that person. Reclaim your power. Reignite your inner flame.
