Letter to my children: Laughing contests and carnal pleasures

Dearest Beloveds,

A few days before I headed to the hospital for my Bone Marrow Transplant, we were at dinner.

“Let’s play Animal, Vegetable, Mineral!” Clamored Bean.

“Hmmm, I am not quite sure that Momma can handle another game like last night. What was I trying to guess - a Cheetar?”

“No, Momma, it was a CheePho, half cheetah half phoenix.”

“Right, okay, I think my head may have exploded with that one.”

“Okay.” You paused, “let us do a staring contest.”

"Okay, Dragon, you watch to see if Momma blinks.”

I looked at you, Bean. I have studied your face brand new, ballooned with baby fat, without teeth, and now elongating into an almost 8 year old. Your eyes are the same. I try to gaze at the space between the eyebrows - willing my eyes to stay open.

“Momma! You blinked!”

“Okay, let us do it again - but first take a bite.”

“Momma! You are really bad at this game!”

“Yup, you’re right. Let’s play the smiling game.”

Instantly intrigued, you queried, “what’s that?"

Bean and I peered at each other’s mouths while Dragon made buzzing noises, farting noises, clicking noises, faces, “I am playing too.”

Two minutes later we are all laughing.

“You know what, let’s do a laughing contest instead of just smiling.”

A slack-jawed Bean stared at me. I stared back. Buzzing and farting noises come from Dragon. Bean’s lip twitched. I groaned like I did when birthing.

The table erupts. Laughter everywhere.

That evening in the bath, you, Bean, anticipated there would be fart bubbles in time for us to watch - and we were all laughing again. It occurred to me that this level of carnal sharing and pleasure derived from grunts, farts, snorts, only happens with a select group of people.

I remember being utterly ashamed when Meme would fart in public. But then really thrilled when your father and I reached the point of intimacy where we could Dutch oven (though I had always used the term hotbox) and laugh.

Perhaps in a few years neither of you will be as willing to blow saliva bubbles, make silly faces, make farting noises with your armpits, try to fumigate your parents out of the bathroom, or grunt like being punched in the belly to win a laughing contest.

Perhaps you will also rediscover the joys of sharing carnal pleasures (and not only sexual pleasures) with another person - because it is a lot of fun. Experiencing such moments anchors people together in the present and strengthens familial and friendship bonds.

I remembering when Bean was young and we would be standing in line - and I would start dancing with you - or singing a song - anything to keep you entertained. I lost all such inhibition when you arrived. Honestly, your mother would turn herself inside out to hear you both laugh.

I am going to continue to get you both to laugh by pretending to fart for as long as I can and will savor these carnal games as long as they last.

Thank you both for your laughter, your life, your love.